Friday, June 20, 2008

BTW, what is your hourly rate?

I really really don't want to talk about this.

Because, as we all know, if we don't acknowledge it then it never really happened.

Obviously, as most of you have known or figured out, we moved. It was set in motion last October. It had to do with my husband's job. I just wanted to make sure no one thought we were forced out; it was a choice. Not my choice, but a choice nevertheless. I just never talked about it. Truthfully, I didn't know how. I didn't know how without peeling off layers. I have really even struggled the last two months on how to talk about it now. It involves a LOT of emotions on my part. I also struggled with how what I say will impact those who read it, whether you be a relative, friend, a casual reader. What will you think of me if I actually bare my real feelings about some things in my life.

Here are some things that I have concluded. Why do I write here anyway? It varies from to preserve memories, share stories, journal our life, reach out to others, or just gab about things. Probably the reason most of us do it. But the bottom line of all those reasons? This is my place. My place where I really can say what I want, share I what feel, and seek what I need. Knowing that it is my place may mean that I occasionally share things that others don't agree with or that they don't understand at the time.

So all I ask, is that anytime I decide to unload about this experience for me, that you will show me grace. Always read what I write knowing that these are my experiences, my thoughts, my feelings at this moment in my life. Maybe I shouldn't care so much what others end up thinking, but frankly that is just me. It is in my nature.

And just for good measure...let me ASSURE you that I TOTALLY get it that there are WAAAY BIGGER problems in the world right now. WAY BIGGER! People are dying, losing someone they love, confronting disasters, enduring huge financial struggles, and the list could go on! I acknowledge that! But right now, in my little world, this is my struggle. It in no means I have forgotten the bigger picture. And to prove that, I am promising that whenever I talk about it and all the negative feelings I have, that I will share something positive about the experience as well. It will be a good reminder for me!

I am not going to say much more here today. It already feels a little overwhelming with just a few short paragraphs.

Because most days I feel like this.

Although I really am trying to remember that He is always beside me.

This was taken when my daughter was about 18 months old. We had been in our home a few months.

This is my daughter at 6.5 years old. This would be our last day in our home.

Crazy! I couldn't even get her whole body in the picture!

Well, thanks for seeing me today. Your couch is very comfortable! ;)



Jennifer said...

{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}
I'll keep you in my prayers...hope everything in you new place goes as easy as possible and it's not a difficult adjustment.

Lori - The Simple Life at Home said...

I totally get what you are saying. It's really hard to find a balance between just letting it all hang out (which you may really regret later) and being a phony. But I think when it's something as huge as moving (which I have a little experience with myself), I think that people expect a few mood swings and highs and lows.

I hope that you settle in quickly and make new friends and are able to put down some roots and enjoy your life there. (((Hugs!)))

gail said...

Why are there tears in my eyes?

kel said...

Thoughts and prayers.
Love the pic what a great idea.

Jenna said...

Change is so hard, especially when you are leaving so many things that you love. I believe that there is a purpose for this move, and someday He will reveal it to you. Hang in there and know that I am saying a special prayer for you. Do you have a house yet?

Anonymous said...

That was such a great idea to recreate that picture!

{{{HUGS}}} to you! I'm thinking about you!!

Jennifer H. said...

I'm crying . . . again!